TRANS AWARENESS

My learning journey became more apparent about a year ago. I discovered the social media platform Twitter, for me, a ‘transgender playground’ if you like, awash with varying opinions, gender fluidity and shared experiences.! Certainly opened my eyes!

For me personally, my journey this far has all been incredibly exciting. At my advanced (young) age I have perhaps more resources and experience, and also less to lose than a younger person embarking on their whole life journey. 

I have noticed many personal benefits. I sleep more soundly, worry less, have more empathy for people, and have a much better eye for fashion. I seem to be more organised and careful in my daily goings on, and I find that I don’t spill food on myself as much! I’m happier and get the attention that I enjoy so much. I have a massive amount of self confidence and no feelings of embarrassment.

I’m very fortunate from a genetics point of view, because I have a stunning, feminine body and can sometimes pass for an eighteen year-old starlet … In the words of Gilbert and Sullivan, “ … in the dark with the light behind me”. 

The main thing that I’m lacking, after spending most of my life in sun-drenched Australia and New Zealand, is a whole head transplant to sort out my leathery, weathered face!

Last summer, I was strolling along the beach at Runswick Bay, wearing just a skimpy bikini and my smile, and a passing woman was very keen to talk to me. She asked me if I was going for the whole transformation or if it was ‘just a vibe’. I replied that I intended to ‘go the whole way’, but was in no hurry to do so. She told me that her teenage son was now a teenage daughter, and she got quite emotional about it. I’m delighted to report that I was able to comfort her with the words of wisdom that a ‘fresher’ can sometimes impart. It’s only a couple of hormones after all, and with it being largely reversible it isn’t such a big deal. 

I continued that her new daughter would benefit from now being able to communicate to herself who she really was and then to others, so that she would never feel lonely. I continued that the most important things were for her to stay safe, and to seek environments in which she could freely express herself…well, this applies to all humans, doesn’t it? So, in that respect, we might say gender transformation is a gift rather than a burden, as it gives life to that expression.

I’ve been extremely fortunate in that I have three ‘safe’ environments. The two Next Distribution warehouses in the Dearne Valley complex, where I’ve most recently worked, have been incredibly supportive by just allowing me to fit in. I’m also a part-time student at The University of Sheffield, and there I also use the swimming pool and gym. Additionally, I’m a member of a metal detecting club whose members have continued to welcome me.

Yes, I just want to fit in. I don’t suffer at all from gender dysphoria, and I’m very easy-going and relaxed about my transition. People address me with ‘He,’ ‘him’ and ‘his,’ and we engage in friendly banter (that I occasionally initiate) from time to time about my transition. I sometimes get asked questions about it. I welcome this, and in fact it makes me feel included. I feel that people should refer to me how they see me and not how I want them to see me! I still walk like John Wayne and sound like Barry White, after all. 

When people ask me about my pronouns, I jokingly tell them that if I had a choice, it would be ‘Your Lordship,’ ‘His Lordship,’ ‘My Lord’. I have no problems at all, and I feel very happy and valued.

Outside of work, I’m always dressed fully in female attire, and it tends to be very skimpy. It’s just my style. I have an awesome body and look great and I’m also very modest with it! I often feel larger than life, especially with my long, blonde hair and exuberant mannerisms, and I often joke that I’m transitioning from male to cartoon, rather than into a female! Also, I have a ‘big’ personality and I like to be noticed… Yes, I’m a show off and an exhibitionist,  I’ve always been like it. 

At the university, I use the female facilities including the female changing room at the swimming pool and yes, I wear 'itsy-bitsy' bikinis. I use the cubicles and keep a low profile, though. At work, I use the male facilities. I'm not uncomfortable about this, because I know most of my colleagues well, and we’re in uniform, after all. Also, in public places such as shopping centres and motorway services, I still use the male facilities, I’m not here to cause trouble and so I don’t stand on my rights.

Some people choose to ignore me, as is their right under the principle of ‘freedom of association,’ but they are always respectful. Actually, I think that I’m treated better than is usual by others, perhaps because people are worried about being careful about their words and actions. This is something that happens for all overt minorities to err on the side of caution is an admirable social skill. 

I think the people who associate with me know that as a transgender person I’m no threat to them and neither is it a lifestyle that I’m encouraging others to follow. As a retired teacher, I’m used to diffusing situations with potential conflict. I’ve only had one instance of abuse, last January, from a 76 year old metal 'detectorist' former friend. Even though it was mild in nature, it was very public and the individual was acting from an “I’m going to speak some home truths, what’s the world coming to? Make Britain Great Again” stance, so I felt that I had to act on it. 

I used the Police hate crime online reporting tool, “True Vision” and the individual was arrested and charged with the criminal offence of “Malicious Communication”. I don’t make a habit of running for help, though. This reporting tool is available to everyone in the UK, for any kind of bullying and abuse. It’s a pity that more people aren’t aware of its existence.

I’m not part of any kind of transgender ‘community’. I sometimes spot other people who are in the process of transitioning and interestingly, we very rarely if ever speak with each other, and we seem to get all our support from non transgender people. 

I’m extremely grateful for the way I’ve been treated by the people around me. It couldn’t be better, actually.

To be honest I had resigned myself to staying closeted to avoid peoples judgement and possible upset on the matter. I also didn't know how to broach the subject with my manager or what stance Next had on trans and non binary staff in the work place. It was both frightening and upsetting. I just wanted to be seen as myself and accepted. 

For the next 2 years I carried on as normal, telling myself that this is for the best and that it wasn't worth losing my job over. But my mental health began to deteriorate and had started to affect my work life. I became more reserved and quiet, prone to bouts of sadness, with no end in sight.

Until a light appeared at the end of the tunnel. With the introduction of Yapster's LGBT+ Network group and thanks to the hard work of Andrew Jurd and Darren Hopkins. After reading about the Stonewall seminar they had attended, that covered the inclusion of trans and non binary people in the workplace, I felt like I could finally come out without fear of being misunderstood and judged. I had a private meeting with my store manager, which was Darren Hopkins at the time, and he helped me through every step of the way. Just taking it at a pace I felt most comfortable with. To my surprise every one of my colleagues accepted me without question. Am so blessed to have so many amazing people around me, and I can't thank them enough for being so supportive and understanding. 

I can't tell you how happy it makes me to be referred to in my correct pronouns and name. I am 3 months on testosterone today and I am the happiest I have ever felt.

I do still get misgendered by customers, which can make me feel dysphoric, but I find it a bit easier to deal with because of the support of my team and managers. I feel so fortunate to work for such an inclusive company. I cannot fault how my case was handled and feel secure in knowing there is a place for LGBT+ people at Next. Thank you for paving the way for others.

Do you have an important person in your life that you would like to tell us about?

My partner Victor has been my rock through all this. He is such a caring and amazing person. Feel lucky to have found him.