Coming Out Day Stories 

I am bisexual and married my husband in April 2019. I knew I was bisexual when I was around 8 years old. It was confusing for me when I first noticed and it didn’t become obvious to me until I was 13 and actually understood that I was different to most of my friends and family.

Since being with my husband, the stigma behind bisexuality has become even more personal to me. I regularly get told I was “going through a phase” when I was younger because I am married to a man, but this is not the case at all. I am me, and I am bisexual. 

My husband. He is my soulmate and not only does he never judge me, he lets me be fully me. I don’t think I could be where I am today, with the mindset I have, without him supporting and pushing me towards opportunities. He didn’t know much about the LGBTQ+ community when I first met him in 2017. But he was eager to understand and learn more. He eventually started to go to Pride parade’s with me, donates regularly to LGBTQ+ charities, and I appreciate this as his family are not so understanding. 

Let’s set the scene. It was a nice Friday evening, I was a 17 year old boy, turning 18 in the next 2/3 days. I decided I was going to go out with a few friends... this consisted of a trip to Mcdonalds and into town to drink at the fountain, strictly non alcoholic of course, but hey, that’s not the best bit, I really liked one of the guys we were out with and I guess he liked me... it was getting late and I needed to get home, if I wanted to see the light of day. So there we are dropping everyone home and I’m the last person he drops home. 

Cutting the story short I was left with one or two lovely marks on my neck... bummer! Well I didn’t find out till the next morning, and this is how it went... 

I came waltzing downstairs in a good mood because me and my crush had a really good night, well, a little too good... these two marks on my neck were very visible and of course my sister saw these straight away. And of course had to say where did you get those from. 

Naively I tried to mask it as a girl gave them to me, but my sister very quickly clocked on and messaged me saying, “I thought you were out with a load of lads!”. Well, she was right... but I didn’t want them to know that... so I said I was with a group of girls too... biggest lie I’ve ever told! 

Quickly my sister cottoned on... and asked that dreaded question, “Are you gay?”. I was gobsmacked. How did she know? Am I gay? What does this mean? 

I responded with, “I think so” - was I? I barely knew what to wear on a night out never mind what sex I liked. 

But that was it. I begged her to secrecy and she promised me she would, and did she... of course she didn’t, she told my stepmum, who of course told my dad. 

Then this is where it got tricky, the dreaded message in the family chat - “Family meeting tomorrow 6pm” - WHAT, tomorrow is my birthday? Is this good, is this bad? 

Well the day came, and well you guessed it, it was bad... the conversation started with I know! 

Well I’ll cut the story short, I wasn’t allowed to see lads like that, and I was no son of his. He wanted grandchildren and the family to live on, I was broken. All my life I’d been holding that in incase he reacted the way he did, and the moment I came out, he acted like that... it was tough, for 6 months I barely had a decent conversation with him. Imagine that on your 18th birthday, and for half of a year where your dad barely speaks to you, it’s not nice! 

It inspired me to be a better person, and voice my story, and help those that are still waiting to come out. There is no shame in it, but I go by this motto shared by our beloved Caroline Flack. 

“In a world where you can be anything, be kind”. 

After that, my mum was always alright. She fully loves and embraces the LGBTQ+ community. My dad, probably not as much so. I remember when I was younger, he made a really homophobic comment and I didn’t speak to him for 3 months. It wasn’t a really nice time at home with him at that point. He’s gotten better though, and seems okay with it now, although he does refer to any of my partner’s as my ‘friends’.

In terms of my friends, well, I told a couple, but it felt as though they told everyone, so I didn’t get to really come out there either, and I guess I haven’t since. I think that’s the reality for a lot of people.

In an ideal world for me, no one would ever have to come out. We wouldn’t automatically have the generic assumption that everyone is straight, which I think a lot of people do. And obviously everyone would just be openly accepted for their true, authentic selves. That’d be the dream. 

Feelings of shame, regret and fear of disappointing my parents were at the forefront of my mind for many years prior to ‘the announcement’.

By the time I was sure of myself and had the confidence to step out of the closet, I had to be in the headspace where, if my parents decided to disown me and throw me out of the house, I had to be ready to say ‘fair enough, your loss’. Looking back now that was never going to happen, but back then I had to prepare myself for that reality. That feeling, for me, is why I believe this is still to this day, the hardest thing an LGBTQ+ person can do, no matter how accepting friends and family are to someone coming out, it does not take away that ultimate fear that you will not be accepted if you come out.

At the time I came out my mum was questioning and fearful of the life I would now be subjected to, while my Dad did not speak to me for 3 days, which, as I was living at home, felt like an eternity! I was angry and upset that they needed justification and didn’t just accept it, afterall I had! Well how could they? I had spent years coming to terms with it and I expected them to be ok with it in five minutes. Thankfully they are okay with it, in fact my relationship with both of them has got better and better with each passing year, as it has with all my friends, and why wouldn’t it, I could now be myself! 

We decided mutually it was the right thing to do, and I asked her to keep the reason for us separating to herself, until I was ready for the conversation, to her credit, she did just this. I actually saw her this year after 10 years, and we had such a great time, it was like old times!

As you can imagine my parents in particular were asking many questions. Until finally, having met someone, some months later, I felt it was time. I booked a restaurant in Manchester City Centre (Australasia, for those of you who may know it), and took mum for dinner on a Tuesday night.

I told her over sushi! And whilst she took some time to digest what I had said, she was not surprised, she told me this was something that she had questioned in my younger years but given my decisions in life she had settled to the fact this was not the case, even through my dress up phase! 

I brought it right back home for her! She was very accepting but I do keep things at a distance. 

I have a close relationship with my dad and he was someone I was dreading telling. Mum said she would do this for me that evening, and tell me how he reacted. (A head in his hands moment)

I suppose this was a little cowardly of me, but felt right at the time. I was fearful of a bridge in our relationship. 

Interestingly, I have never discussed this with dad, and keep him close on my socials (he loves to have a good nosey), and check in with what I’m doing, asking about my friends and experiences, and the who’s who of my world!

So I can’t ask for more than that. We are as close as ever, and he became very fond of my last boyfriend! I should hope so after 7 years! 

Today we regularly debate Gay rights and challenge each others opinion, which I find engaging and healthy. He is from a different generation, I respect that, and whilst he will never fully understand, he accepts me, and the life I lead. 

Importantly, I would not change the past, it shapes who you are today in many ways. At times I remind myself of that, the good and the bad. I believe in myself.